I am sorry, but I have to rant.
I was watching TV the other day while working out on my glider and a commercial by a popular online dating service came on. The owner claimed that true love can finally be found at blah, blah dating service because they match people on their compatibility criteria. Couples of all shapes and sizes happily waltzed through the commercial, in love, in bliss.
I was thinking to myself if love was so simple, all about taking the right compatibility test, or if this dating service, one of the two big players in online dating, finally found the key to successfully matching people up, why aren’t there a million happy marriages all at once!
Well, millions of singles will not all of the sudden stop being lonely, stop struggling to find the one through this or any other dating service. No matter how much money the dating service pours into their advertising budget.
Why? Because compatibility is only a part of the story. In order to be compatible, you have to be compatible to something. So, when you find a compatible partner, what is he or she compatible to?
Is he or she compatible to the very dysfunctions that made your past relationships not work out? Is he or she compatible to the unrealistic expectations that leave you lonely and not in a relationship? Is he or she compatible to the kind of person you would thrive in a relationship with? Well, do you know?
If someone is compatible on personality or sense of humor or values, it still does not tell you whether that someone is compatible to your dysfunctional or your functional self.
If you have done no work on your dating and relationship skills, on yourself, I mean personal growth work, then no matter how many compatibility test you take, no matter how compatible the persons you find on adultfrienedfinder, your relationships will still not work. You will still, unfortunately, not find the happily ever after. This is because you will be finding people compatible with your dysfunction – the thing inside you that creates relationships that don’t work in the first place.
On the other hand, if you have done personal work, compatibility alone will still not be enough, because you could find a perfectly compatible person who has not done any personal work. Then you could laugh together, have similar interests, but eventually you will not be able to stand being together because you won’t be able to have a decent conversation about what’s going on in your relationship.
Compatibility tests are good. It’s good to be able to laugh with someone, or do fun things together. But that won’t make for a good relationship.
There are no shortcuts to true, everlasting love – it’s all about what’s inside of you, baby. Work on your insides, and your true love will come, dating service or not, compatibility tests or not. Refuse to work on yourself and a million “compatible” matches will still not give you happiness. No matter how much that one dating service tells you so.
Want to know who is truly compatible with you and how to tell that person apart from those who are not compatible with you? Take my Whom Are You Dating eCourse. You will learn to become brilliant at knowing whom you need to be in a relationship with and at reading people, distinguishing between those who are not a good match for you and those who are.